I am feeling lonely and abandoned. All around me I see massive efforts to end discrimination. People are literally rioting in the streets because “Black Lives Matter.” North Carolina is threatened with massive boycotts and even a DOJ lawsuit for daring to say that men’s rooms are for men and women’s rooms are for women. I mean come on, it’s not like people have been doing this for a couple thousand years. Don’t they understand?
Yet, the most discriminated class of people on earth, bald men, continues to be ignored. The Bible provides important information about how God feels about bald jokes:
2 Kings 2:23-25
And he [Elisha] went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, ‘Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.’ And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them. And he went from thence to Mount Carmel, and from thence he returned to Samaria”
I am not suggesting that we routinely kill people who tell bald jokes, but God has clearly spoken on the subject. This year, in the ultimate display of discrimination, every single candidate for President had hair. Some were partially balding, but they were quickly eliminated. The presumptive winner, Donald Trump has spent a fortune on his “full head of hair” look. Do you think he would have gone to all the trouble and expense if he didn’t think it mattered?
I think bald men and those who believe in basic human kindness should unite behind the following principles.
- No more bald jokes.
- Bald men should receive free hats. We could call them Obama hats, or perhaps Donald hats.
- Bald people should be allowed to use a separate line at any sporting event to prevent spending too much time in the sun. Trust me; a sunburned scalp is no joke.
- There should be a new Ken doll, one with no hair.
- The portraits of the founding fathers should be altered to remove the wigs so that we could see their bald heads.
- The Bald Eagle should be renamed the American Eagle.
- Barbers should be required to give bald men a 50% discount.
- The government should fund hair transplant therapy.
One final thought. Lately there seem to be a lot of men who actually have hair, but shave their heads to obtain the “bald look.” That may seem logical to some of you, but think about this. Would you tolerate someone who used a wheel chair pretending they cannot walk? Would you tolerate someone wearing black face to pretend they are african american?
Would you tolerate a politican who claimed she was Indian, even though she isn’t, just so she could get preferential treatment? Would you tolerate a man pretending he thinks he is a woman so he can use the woman’s restroom? Oops. I guess we are required to tolerate that. What was I thinking?
TDM